Anger Management

This is hilarious.  I have always wanted to do
something like this.

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you
just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out
on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't
know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone
call I'd forgotten to make.  I found the number and
dialed it.  A man answered saying, "Hello."  I
politely said, "This is Chris.  Could I please speak
with Robyn Carter?"  Suddenly a manic voice yelled out
in my ear, "Get the right stupid number!"  and the
phone was slammed down on me.  I couldn't believe that
anyone could be so rude.  When I tracked down Robyn's
correct number to call her.  I found that I had
accidentally transposed that last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided the call the
'wrong' number again.  When the same guy answered the
phone, I yelled, "You're an asshole!" and hung up.  I
wrote his number down with the word asshole next to
it, and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had
a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an
asshole!"

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my
therapeutic "asshole calling" would have to stop.  So,
I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith
from Verizon, I'm calling to see if you're familiar
with our Caller ID Program?"  He yelled "NO!" and
slammed down the phone.  I quickly called him back and
said, "That's because you're an asshole!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into
a parking spot.  Some guy in a black BMW cut me off
and pulled in to the spot I had patiently waited for.
I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for
that spot, but the asshole ignored me.  I noticed a "For
Sale" sign in his back window which included his phone
number, so I wrote down the number.

A couple of days later right after calling the first
asshole (I had is number on speed dial) I thought that
I'd better call the BMW idiot, too.  I said, "Is
this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, it is," he said.
"Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.
"Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray, Blvd. in Vaucluse.  It's a
yellow house, and the car's parked right out front."
"What's your name?"  I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When is a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're and asshole!"  Then I hung up, and added
his number to my speed dial, too.  Now, when I had a
problem I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea.  I called Asshole #1
"Hello. You're and asshole!"  (But, I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you? " He asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Where do you live?"
"Idiot, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse in a
yellow house.  My black beamer is parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don.  And you had
better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole." and
hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2.

"Hello?" he asked.
"Hello asshole," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are...."
"You'll what?"  I asked.
"I'll kick your butt," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well asshole, here's your chance.  I'm
coming over right now."  Then I hung up and
immediately called the police saying that  I lived at
34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, and that I was on my way
over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going
down in Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray.
I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating
the crap out of each other in from of six cop cars, an
overhead police helicopter and a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.
Anger management really works.....

Why couldn't I get any crack dealers?

This article in the Onion Daily Newspaper "cracks" me up.

Stay At Home Mom

Well, I finally have internet! I have been having some serious withdrawals. In fact, I have had a cold for about a week. That is a long time for me. I am certain that my body is punishing me.

I just have to say I HATE MOVING! I used to think that I loved adventure. That I was one of those people that would move and move just for a new experience. Well, this is not true. Actually it might be true if we had money, which we do not. I have been trapped in our dark little basement apartment trying to think of ways to save money. My mom politely tried to tell me that as a stay at home mom, it is my job to save our family money and be creative doing it. Plegh! This is not what I wanted to hear.

However, last weekend I decided to give my little SAHM soul a lift. I attended American Mothers Inc. Interfaith National Conference. It was extremely uplifting. Jane Clayson Johnson spoke, along with Stephen R. Covey and Marla Cilley "The FlyLady." I guess if Jane Clayson can give up her exciting life to be home with her babies, so can I.